“While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box. Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. “I tell you the truth,” Jesus said, “this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”
As I have grown older, I admit that I don’t think I do much for God that matters. I have always tried to convince myself that over the past 8-9 years that I was doing something worthwhile in my writing.
But in truth… it really hasn’t amounted to anything.
There was a time, years ago, when I really felt that I was part of something that was doing something for the Lord. In light of where I am in life, it is very clear to me that since 1995… I have been on the shelf. Not really doing anything of significance for the Lord. I used to say, like Moses, I was on the backside of the desert and I was on journey that would bring me back to where I could be used once more for God.
That is just something that I don’t believe any longer.
I am convinced that the reason I am still “on the shelf” is because I have always been waiting for the opportunity to teach an adult Bible class. I have not been willing to do the “small” stuff. I was waiting to be reconciled to the point that I could once again open a Bible and teach like I did all those years ago. And as much as it pains me to admit, I see now that I still struggle to truly give the little I have to offer to do the small stuff to be used of Him. I have been looking for something bigger to do.
Here is the truth… God knows my heart. He knows my pride. He knows my intention.
It’s been 21 years and I am still not far enough on my journey to be completely restored. I have more miles to walk and I have more layers of my heart that need to be stripped of my pride.
Now before anyone who stumbles upon this post and may think that I am feeling sorry for myself, I’m not. What I have come to realize is that I have been the one that has kept me on this journey away from serving God and I have exiled myself to the shelf.
This is not a place where God has put me. I have done this to myself.
When I look at the world around me and all that is happening I am tempted to ask, “So what difference can I make? What I could do will not change a thing.”
As I read this story this morning, once more I watch Jesus highlight the little things…the things we miss. He tells the disciples, “Hey, did you see that? That was amazing!” And they reply, “What? What? We didn’t see anything.” Jesus responds, “That woman who put two cents in the offering, did you see that?” I’m sure they were thinking, are you kidding me? What difference does that make?
To God it was big, to us it was nothing.
I am convinced that I miss the big things because they seemed so small to me.
God sees the small things, the things done for Him.
Yes, even when no one else sees them, God sees.
He sees our intentions.
He sees our hearts.
He sees who we really are.
We’re not fooling anybody.